The Random Things the Young Sannins Did
by 64PalmFighter
Summary: the sannins are remembering their life as a team
1. The Get Together

The Random Things the Young Sannins Did Pt 1 (The Get Together)

_The Random Things the Young Sannins Did Pt 1 (The Get Together)_

On one Saturday night, Orochimaru, Jiraiya, and Tsunade decided to do some catching up. It has been forever since they talked about their childhoods. Just in case someone decided to get at someone's throat, Tsunade brought Shizune, Orochimaru brought Kabuto, and Jiraiya brought Naruto. They all got together in a small shed outside of the village.

"It's been awhile since this team has gotten back together," Jiraiya said.

"Yep!" Tsunade happily agreed.

"Well, except for the time we wanted to go kill each other," Orochimaru said.

"Why am I even here?" Naruto whined. "Is this a 50th reunion, Pervy Sage?"

"No, Naruto," Jiraiya said. "It's that kind of reunion.

"Then," Shizune said. "I'm guessing you're going on a trip down memory lane."

"I have no clue why," Tsunade said. "But yeah, we are."

"You three can actually have a civilize conversation together?"

"Yes, Kabuto," Orochimaru said. "We can hold a somewhat civilize chat."

"Let's just get this over with," Naruto sighed.

"Wait a second!" Jiraiya said. "We haven't decided what kind of stories this will be about."

"There is a simple solution for this," Orochimaru calmly said.

"Youngest picks," the 5th hokage said.

"Youngest adult?" Kabuto said.

"Or the youngest?" said Shizune.

"Naruto, what type of stories are we doing tonight?" Jiraiya asked.

"Let's see," he said pondering. "I say embarrassing stories about each other."

"Good idea!" Tsunade said. "I'll go first, and I'll talk about Orochimaru!"

"Joy," Orochimaru said.


	2. Meet the Toys

Tsunade went through a bag she brought. She pulled out three dolls.

Tsunade: Okay. Let's pretend this doll is Jiraiya.

Jiraiya: A Cali Ken doll?  
Tsunade: Actually, it's Stephen, but anyway, this one's Orochimaru.

Orochimaru: Michael Jackson?!? I'm offended.

Shizune: Sorry, it was the only that looks like you.

Kabuto: Orochimaru is a straight guy.

Naruto: Then, why do you want Sasuke so much?  
Orochimaru: I've given up on him for many reasons.

Naruto: Why?

Orochimaru: People don't understand that I just want to rip his soul out of his body, use his developed body to continue my life, and look younger.

Naruto: What do you mean by developed?

Orochimaru: You ask too many questions.

Kabuto: He means developed in the ninja arts.

Jiraiya: Orochimaru, I thought you were Jackson's plastic surgeon.

Everyone except Orochimaru burst out laughing. He rolled his eyes.

Orochimaru: Can we move on?

Tsunade: Fine. Finally yet importantly, this one's me.

Jiraiya & Orochimaru: Pamela Anderson!?!

Shizune: Lady Tsunade, that's outrageous!

Kabuto: That ain't right.

Naruto: Who?

Jiraiya: Naruto, don't worry about it.

Tsunade: What? Can't you see that Pamela and I looked the same when I was younger?

Naruto: Now, I get it. Grandma Tsunade, you need a Kelly doll.

Tsunade: I resent that!

Jiraiya: Naruto, I agree with her. The Kelly doll had more than Tsunade.

Everyone was holding in their laughter except Tsunade. She was furious at the comment.

Tsunade: You seem to have a lot to say, Pervert.

Jiraiya: What's your point?

Orochimaru: Naruto, let me borrow a kunai.

Naruto: Why?

Orochimaru: You'll find out.

Naruto: Fine.

Naruto threw a kunai at Orochimaru. He extended his snaky tongue and caught it. Shizune felt her stomach churn at the sight. Orochimaru snatched the Pamela doll from Tsunade and turned his back to everyone. Moments later, he threw the doll back at Tsunade and gave the kunai back to Naruto. Tsunade screamed.

Tsunade: YOU CHOPPED OFF PAMELA BOOBS!!!!

Orochimaru: Now she looks like you.

Tsunade: You're so mean.


	3. To Eat a Puma

Kabuto: Can we all move on?

Shizune: You toyed with Orochimaru. Now, tell the story, Lady Tsunade.

Naruto: Please, before I'm fifty.

The Sannins gave Naruto a fraudulent look, and Naruto immediately sensed danger.

Sannins: What's wrong with fifty?

Naruto: Nothing. I just don't wanna get too smart and wise yet.

Sannins: Good answer.

Tsunade: Well, I start the story. It was back when we were genin…

Young Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Orochimaru were walking through a forest back to Konoha from a

B-ranked mission. Their leader, Sarutobi, was walking them back to make sure everything stayed peaceful. Tsunade was pretending she was an announcer. She talking about her team, their profiles, and the mission, and she used her hands as an imaginary camera.

Tsunade: Okay. I'm here with my team, Team Sarutobi. Today, we finished escorting a hot prince, and the mission was a success. The prince was returned to his wife and twin children. Now, we are walking back to our home village, Konoha.

Jiraiya: Tsunade, you're getting annoying. Stop!

Tsunade: Forget you, Egg-headed Pervert Jiraiya!

Jiraiya: No Breast Tsunade!

Sarutobi: Cut it out you two. That is no way for a team to act.

Tsunade: Let me finish report, Sensei.

Sarutobi: Start wrapping it up, Tsunade.

Tsunade: Okay.

Tsunade cleared her throat and readied her "camera".

Tsunade: Now, here is my team. This is our leader, Sarutobi-sensei. He's practically here to stop Jiraiya's constant bickering with me for no reason, and he's dedicated to serving our village. This dud is Jiraiya, a.k.a. Egg-headed Pervert or Fat Egg-headed Pervert. He likes older women with hourglass figures, but they have to be plump if you know what I mean.

Jiraiya: What's your point?

Tsunade: You're so nasty. Isn't he, Orochimaru?

Orochimaru: Hn.

Sarutobi: Orochimaru, what kind of answer is that?

Orochimaru: I have better things to think of than a loser whose only talent is cloaking to hide in the women's bathhouse.

Jiraiya: What'cha call me?  
Tsunade: You heard him.

Sarutobi: Cut it out! Tsunade, finish up this interview so we can move on.

Tsunade: Fine! I'm Tsunade. I'm the sexy kunoichi. I'm smart, cute, and everything a guy wants.

Jiraiya: That's a lie! You're as flat as a board! Kelly dolls have more than you do!

Tsunade: You look at the doll has, too? You're a psycho!

Sarutobi: If I have to tell you to cut it out one more time, it won't be a pretty sight.

Silence filled the air, and the two stopped bickering. Orochimaru shook his head slowly.

Sarutobi: Tsunade, finish quickly.

Tsunade: Okay. Now, last but not least is Orochimaru a.k.a. Snake Dude or Bottomless Pit. Why? He eats everything and anything and basically all the time, yet he's always "starving" as he so puts it. I can prove that fact in a matter of minutes.

Orochimaru: Sensei?

Sarutobi: Yes, Orochimaru?

Orochimaru: I'm starving!

Tsunade: My point proven.

Sarutobi: Orochimaru, we just ate half an hour ago.

Orochimaru: So? I'm a growing boy.

Jiraiya: Orochimaru, after the mission, the prince invited us for dinner, right?

Orochimaru: Yes.

Tsunade: I'll skip to the point. You had two roasted pigs by yourself!

Sarutobi: The average child at your age does not eat that much.

Orochimaru: Well, I'm not average. I'm hungry.

Jiraiya: Orochimaru, do you see what I see?

Orochimaru: All I see is a puma.

Jiraiya: Doesn't it look tasty?

Orochimaru: Yeah.

Orochimaru was in a blissful mood. He was imagining all the possibilities he could do with the puma. With all the thoughts flowing through his head, his mouth began to water. He quickly wiped the drool with his sleeve and was about to run after the feline. Before he got the chance, Sarutobi wrapped his arms around Orochimaru's waist restraining him from starting a pursuit.

Orochimaru: Sensei, let me go! I'll save some for you if you want.

Sarutobi: We have no time to chase after an innocent feline.

Tsunade: He's got a point. What good will it do us?

Orochimaru: You can watch how fast I can eat a puma.

Sarutobi: No!

Jiraiya: Sensei, let him do it. Let's see how fast he can do it.

Sarutobi: No, we're leaving, and Orochimaru, don't even try using your tongue to catch it.

Orochimaru: Dang it.

They continued walking. It was late, and their sensei decided to rest for the night. While they were setting up, Orochimaru got a twisted look on his face. It was as if he were imitating the Grinch. He looked up and gasped.

Orochimaru: Sensei! Sensei! Sensei!

Sarutobi: What is it?!?

Orochimaru: Isn't that your…!

Sarutobi: What's wrong, Orochimaru?

Orochimaru: Over there! Isn't that! That's your…!

Orochimaru pointed in some direction as he was speaking as fast as who knows what, and Sarutobi looked in the direction his paranoid student pointed.

Sarutobi: Orochimaru, what's going on?

Tsunade: He's gone.

Sarutobi and Tsunade looked around, but there was no sign of Orochimaru.

Sarutobi: Where'd he go, and what did he say before he ran off?

Tsunade: Beats me.

Jiraiya: I'll say it.

Sarutobi: You understood his babbling?

Jiraiya: Yep. He said, "Sensei! Sensei! Sensei!"

Tsunade: Get to the point!

Jiraiya: Fine. "Isn't that your girlfriend stark naked in a tree with another man?"

Sarutobi looked up his a concerned and shocked look on his face.

Tsunade: Sensei, are you trying to see your girlfriend naked?

Sarutobi: No.

Jiraiya: Then stop being stupid and think. Why else would he tell you your girlfriend's here, and she doesn't know where we are?

Sarutobi & Tsunade: There's a reason?

Jiraiya: The puma we saw earlier passed by, and Orochimaru made an excuse to run after it.

Sarutobi: Well we'd best go and find him.

They ran through the forest in search of their puma-possessed teammate. They were getting annoying with the search. So far, there was no sign of Orochimaru. Suddenly, a loud cry of pain rang throughout the area. The three were almost frightened senseless.

Tsunade: Do you think that was Orochimaru?

Jiraiya: I hope not, but if so…

Tsunade: Jiraiya! Don't say something like that!

Sarutobi: Don't worry. Orochimaru is fine.

Jiraiya: Seriously?

Sarutobi: Yes. That was the cry of an animal in agony.

Tsunade: So, there's still hope?

Jiraiya: I'd hate to say it, but he can take care of himself.

They ran in the direction of the cry. As they got deeper into the area, they began to hear moans and groans. Then, they trail a scattered trail of blood. They decided to follow the trail.

They followed the trail for what seemed to be hours. The path

Tsunade: Where is that boy?

Jiraiya: Yeah. We've been looking for him for almost two hours.

Sarutobi: Well, better two hours than never.

Jiraiya: Remind us why.

Tsunade: If we never find him, we'll get in trouble.

Sarutobi: Plus, the mission would be considered failed.

Jiraiya & Tsunade: Why?

Sarutobi: This mission must be done successfully and all members must return for it to be a success.

Jiraiya: What if someone happened to you know…?

Sarutobi: I believe it's considered failed. I think the members must all come back alive.

Jiraiya & Tsunade: You're serious?

Sarutobi: I'm not completely positive, but let's find him and not find out.

The moment he said that, the moans and groans returned, but they were louder than the ones earlier. It was as if the sounds were overhead. They all looked up, and they were shocked and angered. It was none other than Orochimaru. He was sitting on a tree branch holding a bunch of bones, and he was obviously in a great deal of pain.

Sarutobi: Orochimaru, what did you do?

Orochimaru: Go hunting.

Jiraiya: I told you he saw the puma.

Orochimaru started coughing harshly. Tsunade narrowed her eyes. She knew something else was occurring besides a cough. She sighed at her realization.

Tsunade: Get into position. He's choking on a bone, again.

Sarutobi: Ultimate Heimlich maneuver?

Jiraiya: Not again!  
Tsunade: I'll get my gloves. It really stinks being your nurse, Orochimaru.

Sarutobi got Orochimaru out of the tree and helped him stay in a standing position. Jiraiya was ready to give Orochimaru the Heimlich maneuver, and Sarutobi had to do the same. Tsunade stood in front of Orochimaru to catch whatever would come out. She closed her eyes and gave the signal. Sarutobi and Jiraiya were using most of their strength to get whatever bone would come out. Finally, Orochimaru coughed up the bone, and Tsunade caught it successfully.

Tsunade: Ew! It's a rib bone!

Orochimaru: Yeah. A really big one, too.

Jiraiya: That's has to be the nastiest yet!

Orochimaru: No, it's not. You two said it was when Tsunade caught the live crow I coughed up.

Sarutobi: Orochimaru, chew your food.

Tsunade: I was trying to forget that. By the way, you want the Tums or Pepto-Bismol Max?

Orochimaru: Pepto.

Jiraiya: Do you have nausea?  
Orochimaru: No.

Tsunade: Heartburn?

Orochimaru: No.

Jiraiya: Indigestion?

Orochimaru: No!

Tsunade: Diarrhea?

Orochimaru: NO! Upset stomach!

Sarutobi: You three can be complete idiots.

Everyone was laughing hysterically. Well, everyone was excluding Orochimaru.

Orochimaru: Shut up! It wasn't that funny.

Kabuto: You still do it to this day.

Shizune: That's sickening.

Naruto: Do you eat people?  
Orochimaru: I am a carnivore not a cannibal.

Jiraiya: Tsunade, I gotta hand it to you. You told a fine story.

Tsunade: Now, whose next?

---------------------------------

Finally! Chapter 3 posted. Sorry it took awhile. I had so many tests and exams and reports last week. Also, my school wants me to write cliff hang er stories for the school paper they're starying and the illustrations! I'm so happy!


	4. Don't Mess with Me

Shizune: Let's see. Why not you, Jiraiya?

Jiraiya: Why me?

Naruto: Because we wanna know what stupid things you did when you were my age.

Kabuto: We all know what you did as a genin.

Orochimaru: Basically, the same thing you do now.

Tsunade: Flirt with women, stalk women, watch women, and peek on women.

Everyone except Jiraiya sighed.

All but Jiraiya: You're so predictable.

Jiraiya: What's your point?

Kabuto: Let me correct you, Tsunade.

Tsunade: I know him better than you do, Kabuto. I didn't miss anything.

Kabuto: He should not, he does not, and he will not flirt, stalk, or watch you.

Shizune: Bad move.

Tsunade: What's wrong with me?

Kabuto: No man wants you.

Tsunade: Okay smart-alecky brat, why don't men like me?

Kabuto: Let's see. You're an old hags using a jutsu to make yourself look twenty, you have breasts a hundred times as big as your brain, and when it comes to a fight between me vs. you, I would so win.

Tsunade almost literally jumped to her feet. Once Kabuto saw her actions, he responded by jumping to his feet.

Tsunade: Are you saying that just because I'm a woman?

Kabuto: No, cause you're an old hag!

Orochimaru: Really bad move.

Naruto: Kabuto, what do you want on your tombstone?

Kabuto: Pepperoni and sausage.

Jiraiya: Not what he meant.

Tsunade: You brat! You'd best back outta my face pronto!

Kabuto: Make me!

Shizune: You're an idiot!

Tsunade: Wanna take this outside?

Kabuto: Bet that chest won't fit through the door.

Tsunade: You son of a…

Kabuto: Good-looking family? Thank you.

Jiraiya: Stop messing with her, Kabuto.

Tsunade: That's it!

Orochimaru pulled Kabuto out of Tsunade's way, and Shizune and Jiraiya put Tsunade in a headlock to prevent her from killing Kabuto.

Orochimaru: Kabuto, if you ever want a decent woman in your life, never mess with them.

Jiraiya: You have a good point there, Orochimaru.

Naruto: Pery Sage, try taking that advice once in your life.

Shizune: Let's move on. Orochimaru, would you like to tell the next story?

Orochimaru: Sure. Besides, I should; I _did _hold the camera.

Tsunade: I remember that.


	5. The Camera

I'm putting the story in this format so I don't have to change it later. Well, enjoy!

----------------------------------------------------

"Orochimaru?" Naruto asked.

"What is it now, Naruto?" Orochimaru asked in annoyance.

"Why did you have a video camera?"

"What are you getting at, kid?"

"I don't like where this is going," Kabuto butted in.

"Kabuto, you need to shut up," Jiraiya said. "What kind of apprentice did you train, Orochimaru?" he asked while earning a puzzled look on his face.

"You know that some items you buy say 'come as is'? Well, it's the same with Kabuto. He came as he was."

"Which is what?" Jiraiya asked.

"Simple. He's a retarded idiot who doesn't know how to shut up."

"I'm personally offended by that!" Kabuto retorted.

"You should be!" Shizune snapped.

"Especially for all the fat boob jokes," Tsunade stated.

"Whatever," Kabuto said feeling defeated.

"Back to my question," Naruto said. "Why did you have a video camera?"

"Why do you need to know?" Orochimaru asked raising an eyebrow.

"It was for your sick minded acts with Sasuke! I know it!" Naruto blurted out.

There was a long silence. After the silence, Shizune and Tsunade burst out laughing hysterically. Jiraiya was awestruck. He could not say a word. Kabuto shook his head.

"Kabuto, this is when you're supposed to talk," Orochimaru said hoping his subordinate would defend him.

"As I said before, he is a straight guy. Besides, he's had that camera long before Sasuke was even born," Kabuto said.

"Actually, I've had it before his mother was even born," Orochimaru added.

"You stalked his mother? You need a life!" Naruto scolded.

"Naruto," Shizune said. "He was using her as a reference. Okay?"

"Got it," he said.

"Kabuto, learn something from Shizune," Tsunade.

"Whatever," he answered.


	6. Captain Jiraiya, Away!

"Alright, let's move on," Orochimaru said holding in his anger. "I'm straight, Kabuto's an idiot with women, and I'm going tell this story and get this torture over with!"

"Then, do it," Naruto sassed. "I'm not getting any younger."

"Fine," Orochimaru said. "This was back when we fifteen…"

Tsunade and Orochimaru were at the training grounds lounging around and waiting for Jiraiya. They have been waiting for almost thirty minutes, and the two were getting a bit goaded by their teammate's tardiness. To relieve some irritation, they decided to take a walk.

They walked through the streets of Konoha, and it seemed to be a normal. However, when they strolled past the women's bathhouse Jiraiya was not there. Tsunade and Orochimaru raised an eyebrow. That was quite suspicious, but they shrugged their shoulders and continued walking.

As their walk continued, Orochimaru noticed they were walking past his home (A/N: I don't know if he lives in a house, apartment, box, or shoe, but I know he had to live somewhere before he left the village.) Tsunade noticed a mail carrier delivering a package to Orochimaru's door. "Orochimaru, there's a package at your door," Tsunade said.

"I see. Finally, it's here!" he said in girly, high-pitched voice.

"Orochimaru, you baka!" Tsunade said. "You know that's annoying!"

"That's just a taste of a little thing I call revenge," he stated.

"Revenge? What did I do to deserve to here that shrill, annoying imitation of a girl?" she asked.

"I don't know, but I vaguely remember a teammate of mine telling Jiraiya that I was a homo, and I was after his body," he said.

"If that ever happened, I would say 'I'm really sorry', but it would be funny if that happened."

"Whatever," Orochimaru simply said as he snatched the parcel from his door and began to open it.

"What is it?" Tsunade asked as she walked toward Orochimaru.

"It's a camcorder. I ordered it a couple months ago," he answered.

"So, why'd you buy it? Did you wanna film a certain girl you know?" she said batting her eyelashes. "Well, if that's it, I'm not dating you in return. I'm sorry, Orochimaru, but I'd love to be the star of your videos.

"You're so full of yourself, Tsunade," Orochimaru said.

"What about you, 'Mr. I'm Gonna Eat Everything and Anything All the Time?'" she hissed. "Still, what are we gonna do since Jiraiya fell off the face of the earth?"

"I don't know about 'we', but I'm going to buy some camera stuff," he said.

"Can I go, too?" she asked. "Please, Orochimaru."

A smirk formed across Orochimaru's pale lips. "Tsunade," he said. "You're bored, I've got a camcorder, and Jiraiya's not here. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"We find Jiraiya, follow him around, tape all his movements, and I'll narrate it."

"Yes, but no," he said. "Find Jiraiya, follow him, tape his movements, show this to Sarutobi, and tell him that the tape if proof he wasn't training with us."

"Yes," she said. "He'll get in trouble, we'll have something to do, and I'll narrate it."

"Okay, Tsunade, you can narrate it."

"Yay!"

The teenagers departed from Orochimaru's home and headed toward the store. Once they arrived, the two went straight to the electronic equipment. Orochimaru purchased a battery, a tape, and a camcorder case. Tsunade bought a microphone.

"Was it necessary for you to buy a microphone?" Orochimaru said.

"Every announcer has a mic," she sweetly said.

"Tsunade," he whispered. "Get down!"

She nodded and complied immediately; Orochimaru did the same thing. The two were hiding behind a shelf, for they saw a certain teammate of theirs browsing through the store.

"He's shopping. Shouldn't he be at the training grounds waiting on us?" Tsunade said.

"I think he has no intention to go there," Orochimaru said. "Besides, we aren't there either."

"True," she said. Suddenly, she realized something that might get interesting. "Orochimaru, turn on the camera."

"Shhh! I've been taping for the last thirty seconds."

Jiraiya was looking at hats. He scanned through them, and something caught his eye. "These are different. I wonder why no one puts a mask like this on the market." He picked up the item and inspected it. "The holes for the eyes are big enough for legs to fit through."

Orochimaru and Tsunade were holding in their laughs. They continued to film their teammate. "Orochimaru," Tsunade said. "I think it's time for a narration."

"I think it does, too."

She cleared her throat while Orochimaru fixed the camera on her. "I'm here with Orochimaru, who's currently holding the camera, talking about Jiraiya. So far, he is in the emporium shop that we're in at this moment, and he just purchased a pair of—" she was cut off.

"Nice speaking, Tsunade, but he's leaving!" Orochimaru said.

They proceeded to leave. However, Tsunade stopped when she felt something poke her shoulder. Involuntarily, she turned and went into ninja mode. The mystery person was Tsunade's friend, Terasu (A/N: meaning – balcony, and she's my newest OC). She had olive green eyes, her russet hair fell to her shoulders, and she was about Tsunade's height and age.

"Tsunade, like what's up?" Terasu said.

"Must you say 'like' in every sentence?"

"Like sorry. It's like force of habit. Like anywho, have you like seen a pair of you knows what hanging on the like hat rack?"

"As in under you know whats?"

"Like yeah."

"Well, I know that my teammate bought some that was hanging on the rack."

"Orochimaru," Terasu said. "I know you're like a homo, but like must you be like a cross dresser?"

"I'm not a homo, and I'm not a cross dresser," he calmly said. "Jiraiya bought them."

"That like proves he's like an even bigger pervert," Terasu said.

"Well, I loved to talk long, Terasu, but I gotta go. See ya later!" Tsunade said.

"Like bye!" Terasu said and waved until they were out of sight.

Orochimaru and Tsunade were outside of the emporium shop. They looked around, but Jiraiya was out of sight. They sighed and left for the training grounds. On their walk, they spotted a certain someone at an abandoned park. They saw Jiraiya in a tree putting on his "mask". The two hid behind a nearby bush covered in roses, but Jiraiya did not notice they were there. Orochimaru turned on the camera and pressed the record button.

Jiraiya finally got the mask on his face. He smiled in success.

"Man! Orochimaru will be so jealous of me!" he said while picturing Orochimaru's reaction in his head.

In Jiraiya's Head

Jiraiya was walking through the streets of Konoha. The sounds of girls screaming and fainting, men scoffing, and camera buttons being pushed rang throughout the village. Jiraiya saw reporters, camera crew, fangirls, and Orochimaru walking by.

"Hey, Orochimaru! Have you seen the new look?" Jiraiya said.

Orochimaru looked over his shoulder and hid his face from him. "Oh, Jiraiya! You're so amazing, gorgeous, and strong. I could never be like you, and I don't deserve to be on the said team as you."

"It's okay," Jiraiya said calmly. "You didn't know I'd be so great."

"Oh! I don't even deserve to look at you!" Orochimaru sobbed then fell to his knees.

"Don't worry," he said. "I'll let you shine my weapons."

"Really?" Orochimaru said with eyes full of hope.

"Yep! As long as you refer to me as 'The Awesome, Wonderful, Super Cool Jiraiya' and you will be 'The Poo Headed Servant'."

"Yay!"

Reality

Orochimaru and Tsunade had a horror-struck look on their faces. Orochimaru shook his head slowly, and simultaneously, Tsunade slapped her forehead.

"There is no chance in heck that I envy him right now," Orochimaru said.

"He really has no idea what he's wearing on his face," Tsunade said.

"I know!" Orochimaru said fully of revulsion.

Jiraiya found a vine and tied it around his waist. He stood in a jumping position, and he looked around to make sure no one was around. He cleared his throat. "CAPTAIN JIRAIYA, AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he called.

He leaped from the trees and pretended to fly. He continued to fly for a few minutes. Then, he did a Tarzan yell, and all the birds flew away. "I am Jiraiya protector of the jungle!"

A moment later, the vine snapped, and Jiraiya did a George of the Jungle number. He was crashed in to a tree. The tree right next to his teammates. He fell and landed in the bushes that his teammates were behind. He sprung up and howled in pain. He looked at his butt and realized there were thorns in it.

"Captain Jiraiya does stand a chance against girly girl things like roses!"

Tsunade and Orochimaru were holding in their laughs. Their laugh overwhelmed them, and they burst out laughing and fell on top of each other.

Jiraiya was pulling thorns out of his buttock. He heard the laughs and followed the sound. He walked around the rose bush and saw his teammates laughing their hearts out. "What are you two doing?" Jiraiya asked.

"Nothing," the two replied while they calmed down.

"Let me try that again. Tsunade, what are you doing on top of Orochimaru, and Orochimaru, what doing with a video camera?"

"Nothing you pervert," Tsunade said. "Our turn to ask questions. What are you wearing on your face?" she said with a smirk.

"It's my super cool mask!" Jiraiya said while pumping a fist in the air.

"Let me ask him," Orochimaru said. "Why are you wearing women's panties?"

"You mean this isn't a mask?" Jiraiya asked.

"Nope," the two said.

"And since we got this on tape, we're showing Sarutobi," Orochimaru sassed.

"You're kidding."

"No," Tsunade said. "We're dead serious."

"I'm gonna die," Jiraiya said.

Everyone was laughing hysterically. Well, everyone was excluding Jiraiya.

"Hardy har har. You all had your laugh," Jiraiya said.

"That's dumber than something I would do, Pery Sage!" Naruto laughed.

"I told you to stop calling me that!" said Jiraiya.

"Oh, Naruto," Orochimaru said. "That's why I have a camera. It's for stupid moments like that."

"Orochimaru, how did you put up with that?" Kabuto asked.

"I really don't know."

"Still, that was an excellent story, Orochimaru!" Shizune applauded.

"I gotta hand it to you, Orochimaru," Tsunade said. "That was a good investment."

"Yesssss," Orochimaru hissed. "It wassss."

"Ew!" Shizune squeaked. "Stop doing that!"


	7. Shizune's Will vs Orochimaru

"Shizune, what's the mater?" Orochimaru teased while hissing. "Is my tongue scaring you?"

"Ewwwwww!" she squealed. "Stop that! That's wretchedly nasty!"

"Oh, Shizune," Tsunade said. "Quit being a baby."

"That means she's never seen you try to eat a whole person," Jiraiya said with a smirk.

"Whole person?" said the frightened kunoichi.

"Oh, yeah," Tsunade said. "That was nasty, but so cool!"

Naruto jaw dropped open. "How was that cool?"

"I'll make this brief," Jiraiya sighed. "While we were 15, some jerk was flirting with Orochimaru and thought he was a woman. When the guy pinched his butt, Orochimaru was squealing like a school girl, and when the dude walked away, Orochimaru got so mad that he wrapped the guy with his tongue and tried to swallow him whole."

"Why didn't you swallow the freak?" Tsunade asked.

"When I was about to swallow him, he started stabbing my tongue. So, I threw him up, and he ran screaming," Orochimaru said calmly.

"Eeeeeeeewwwww! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew Ew! Ew! Eeeeeeeewwwww! That is disgusting! I don't wanna hear about you and that wretched tongue!"

"Oh shut up!" Tsunade exclaimed.

Kabuto was scribbling something on a piece of paper. It piqued everyone's interest. He handed the paper to Orochimaru. Orochimaru read the scrap of paper. He cocked an eye then looked at his subordinate. Kabuto nodded his head and offered his hand to his leader. Orochimaru grabbed his hand and shook it in agreement.

"Tsunade, could you please come here," Kabuto said.

"What do you want you dolt-bag?"

"It's really good," Orochimaru said.

The woman walked toward them and glared at Kabuto. They whispered amongst one another. Tsunade slapped Kabuto, and he grabbed his cheek. Orochimaru chuckled and received a slap for his action. Tsunade was burning—more like flaming—red. The men swallowed hard. Tsunade extended her hand to Orochimaru, and he accepted it. She did the same with Kabuto.

Shizune had a horrible feeling in her gut. Jiraiya and Naruto were more interested in Shizune's reaction to the other's discussion. She was hold stomach with her left hand and her head with the right. Naruto and Jiraiya gave each other a look, but they did not realize that Kabuto, Orochimaru, and Tsunade returned.

"Oh, Lady Tsunade," Shizune said. "What's up?"

"Shizune," Tsunade said sweetly. "My dear Shizune, would you do anything to save my life?"

"Yes."

"Anything?"

"Yes!"

Anything, anything?"

"I don't like where this is going, Lady Tsunade."

"Oh?"

Suddenly, a familiar pink substance constricted Tsunade's hands and lower torso. A bloodcurdling scream followed afterwards. Tsunade was being dragged across the floor. The trail of the substance led to be none other than Orochimaru's tongue. Everyone but Orochimaru gasped. Kabuto put a sleeping juts on Tsunade, Jiraiya, and Naruto. Shizune was breathing hard.

"Orochimaru, let Milady go," Shizune managed to say.

"Why would he do that?" Kabuto said with a senile smirk. "With all the awful thing she's done to Orochimaru, she had this coming."

"Can't we talk about this?"

"Your best bets is to free her yourself," Kabuto said with a low chuckle.

"That means I have to…" her voice trailed off. She looked at the slimy, snaky tongue then at Tsunade. She sighed and revealed her needle launcher. She aimed it toward Orochimaru's tongue. "I will say this one last time. Let go of Lady Tsunade or have your tongue shot with poisonous needles!"

"If you do that, Tsunade can and will die. Orochimaru will still have enough strength and time to swallow her alive."

"Darn it! I guess I have to do this the hard way," she thought to herself. She reached into her kimono and pulled out a picture. "You can have Milady. I guess I'll be on my way showing everyone in Konoha a picture of Orochimaru in women's lingerie."

Orochimaru released Tsunade and ran over to Shizune. "Shizune, we can talk about this. I mean we're all acquaintances," Orochimaru said in fear of losing his dignity.

"Com'n, Shizune it was a joke. He wasn't gonna eat Tsunade," Kabuto panicked.

"It's all for and games until someone's being blackmailed," she said. "Fine. I won't anyone unless you two release them from the genjutsu and stop teasing me with that tongue."

"Okay," the two men said.

--Moments later after the three were released from the genjutsu--

"So, what we miss?" said Jiraiya and Naruto.

"Nothing much," Tsunade said.

"Milady, how would you know? You were asleep," Shizune said.

"We never put her under anything," Orochimaru and Kabuto said.

"You three are so mean to me," Shizune said.

"Oh, we love you, Shizune," Tsunade said. "We just love teasing you even more."

"Thanks. I feel the love."


	8. TUHHGGM

"Okay," Shizune said. "Now that were done f-ing around with me, let's continue."

"Shizune," Naruto said. "What don't you just cuss it out?"

"It's a teen rated fiction, and I believe the rule is minor swearing."

"Yeah, and 64PF doesn't need to be banned," Tsunade added.

"So what if she gets banned?" Naruto said.

"There'd be no story you moron!" the women snapped.

"And you wanna be hokage?" Kabuto asked.

It was silent after Kabuto's comment. Not because it was unexpected, but no one had anything to add. The silence lasted for many minutes. Jiraiya looked at Orochimaru and vice versa. They did a single nod.

"Like, oh my gosh!" Jiraiya said in a girly voice. "How ya doin', Mara?"

"Like, oh my gosh, Jill!" Orochimaru said in the same voice as Jiraiya. "I'm like totally awesome!"

"No. No!" Tsunade said. "You two are not gonna do that!"

"I'm like Jill!" Jiraiya said happily.

"And I'm like Mara," Orochimaru sweetly said.

"You know like what time it, like right, Mara?" Jiraiya said with a plastered Barbie doll smile.

"It's like T-U-H-H-G-G-M Time, Jill!" he responded with the said with the same smile. (A/N: Orochimaru and Jiraiya are gonna keep the same girly voices and Barbie smiles for the time being.)

"What are you two up to?" Shizune said fearfully.

"I don't wanna know," Kabuto said.

"It's Totally, Ultra, Hilarious, Hyperactive, Girly Girl Moments!" the insane two said.

"Grandma Tsunade," Naruto said. "What are they doing?"

"I'd close my ears right about now," she responded.

"Like, Jill, did you like know like Quilted Northern bath tissue is like excellent for like stuffing?"

"Like seriously, Mara?"

"Yeah! It like turned me from like a 'B' to a like double 'D'."

"No way! Ya know I like made a new like weight loss smoothie."

"Like what's in it?"

"Like lettuce, tomatoes, apple cider, carrots, vinegar, onions, and soymilk."

"That sounds like it will totally work!" (AN: uhhh…no)

"Please," Tsunade implored. "Stop the horror."

"Please!" Kabuto said.

"Ok, Mara!" Jiraiya said putting his hands together. "Let's like sing them our favourite song!"

"The one by Tila Tequila!" Orochimaru cheered.

"Which song?" Naruto said. "I like her show. So you better not kill her songs."

Suddenly, poles came from nowhere, there was a karaoke machine accompanied with two microphones, and there were two hot pink feather boas.

"Orochimaru!" Kabuto yelled desperately. "I'll personally do whatever you want if you don't do anything."

"The last thing we need to see is two elderly men wearing feather boas," Shizune said.

"What do you mean by elderly?" Orochimaru snapped. "Quite frankly, we are just living."

"Fine," Shizune said. "Two _grown _men in feather boas."

"That's like better," Jiraiya said. "Naruto, hit the play button."

"I don't wanna."

"Do it!"

"Alright!" he did so. A piano intro played. "Not that song."

Orochimaru and Jiraiya wrapped the boas around their necks, strutted to the poles, and were ready to dance. They stood in positions that scared the others.

"All my stripper friends," Jiraiya sang.

"All my ex-boyfriends," Orochimaru sang. (AN: I'll cut back on some of the lyrics.)

"We all want the same thang."

"We all want the same thang."

"Parties in the bar."

"Reaching for the stars."

"We all want the same thing," they sang in unison. By this time they were "pole dancing". They were doing their dances in such sexy yet disturbing ways that even I, 64PF, do not want to describe. (AN: By the way, Jiraiya will always start off after they sing in unison. Yes, I'm lazy right now and don't wanna type that every time.)

"Doesn't matter what you need to get you through your day."

"If you buy it, or just sell it or just give it away."

"It's the same at the end of the day."

"Doesn't matter if you pray or if you stop praying."

"Sounds are spinning in your head, and they just won't stop playin'."

"It's the same at the end of the day."

"All my stripper friends."

"All my ex-boyfriends."

"We all want the same thang."

"We all want the same thang."

"Books in this small town, balla's all around. We all want the same thang," they sang as Jiraiya slid down Orochimaru body.

"We all wanna live."

"We all wanna learn."

"How to love."

"Without getting burned."

"We want to be loved."

"Are we good enough?"

"We all want the same thang," they ended with Orochimaru hugging Jiraiya's waist.

"Orochimaru," Naruto said. "That just proves you're gay.

"My eyes!" Tsunade cried.

Kabuto and Shizune were hanging out the windows losing their dinner.

"Never again?" Orochimaru said in his normal voice without the plastered smile.

"Ditto," Jiraiya agreed with the demeanor.


	9. I Dated Who? Pt 1

**Sorry it took forever. school came and i have lots of stuff to deal with. anywho i thought i'd make this one long chapter, but i'm making it into two parts maybe three. enjoy!**

* * *

"Now that that's out of our systems," Kabuto said.

"Now, Kabuto," Orochimaru said. "It wasn't as bad as it looked."

"Have you ever seen the musical _Avenue Q_?" Kabuto said.

"No," Orochimaru simply said.

"Oh!" Shizune said. "I love that musical."

"So you probably see where I'm getting at?" Kabuto said.

Shizune took her iPod out of her kimono sleeve, played the song Kabuto was referring to, and sang along…

_If you were gay,_

_That'd be okay._

_I mean cuz hey!_

_I like you anyway._

_Because you see,_

_If it were me,_

_I would feel free to say_

_That I was gay,_

_But I'm not gay._

"Aw man! The battery died," Shizune almost cried.

"Kabuto," Naruto said. "What have you and Orochimaru been doing that we don't need to know about?"

"Okay," Tsunade said. "I hope you don't like him like that."

Jiraiya sighed at this conversation, "Moving on. Besides, I'm not off the hook just yet. I gotta tell an embarrassing story about Tsunade."

"Ha!' Tsunade said. "You've got nothing to tell. I've done nothing embarrassing in public or around you two. So, we can call it a night. Let's go, Shizune."

"Not so fast, Tsunade," Jiraiya said putting a hand up. "Orochimaru and I have kept a secret from you for fifty-one years. So, you've actually done something embarrassing, and you don't even know it."

"I resent that. I'm not that old!"

"Get over yourself, Tsunade. You and I both know that all three of us are about 68-years-old."

"Jiraiya, can we tell her when she's dead or can't move?" Orochimaru said.

"We said we'd tell her when we're old and can laugh at it."

"If we tell her, either you die, I die, or we both die. Either way, someone dies."

"What's going on?" Naruto said. "Are you gonna do another crazed dance to ruin Tila?"

"No," Jiraiya said. "Tsunade, remember Saizen?"

"How could I not?" Tsunade said. "He was the second most hottest guy I've ever laid eyes on."

"How about just tell the story?" Naruto said.

"Fine. It was a few months before we became jounin. We were 17…"

It was a sunny Thursday afternoon, and Jiraiya and Orochimaru were trying to do some male bonding. What better place to bond than the gym? Jiraiya was lifting 30-pound weights, and Orochimaru was watching him.

"Orochimaru, you really need to embrace your inner manliness if that's possible," Jiraiya said.

Orochimaru's eyebrow rose at the comment. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Look at you. You act gay. Now, take off your shirt and show me what you got."

"And you say I act gay. You got some nerve!"

"Not what I meant. Show off to these ladies what you're made of."

"Fine," Orochimaru said. He pulled off his t-shirt and threw it at Jiraiya. "Happy?"

Jiraiya put the weights down and looked at Orochimaru. "Whoa baby! Where'd you get a tiny four pack?"

"Like simple," a young woman walked over and said. "I like teach him like yoga."

"Terasu," Jiraiya said. "How are you, and why do you teach him a sissy sport?" (A/N: I need not to give her a description. She was mentioned in chapter 6.)

"Yoga like is not like a sissy sporty!" Terasu snapped. "It takes like flexibility, strength, and like total concentration. The again, yoga's like not a sport."

"Thanks, Terasu," Orochimaru said. "You had to say it like that."

"Like sorry. What brings you two here. I never see you here."

"Well," Jiraiya said. "I'm helping Orochimaru embrace his manliness, and we're trying to bond."

"Well, that like went bust. He just stared at three hot guys that had no shirt on."

"Orochimaru!" Jiraiya said.

"Yes?" the pale teen asked a bit nervously. "It's not what you think."

"You're like pathetic," the redhead said. "I gotta like run. Sundae's like waiting on me."

Orochimaru's eyebrow slightly rose. "Tsunade's here?"

"Like yeah. She has like a personal trainer, and I'm like here to like support her. Well, like bye!" she left.

"Well," Jiraiya said. "Tsunade seemed to pique someone's interest. Wanna talk about?"

"Okay," he said with a small smile gracing his face. "You half way caught me. I've been crushing on Tsunade for quite some time."

"Oh, so you're not gay?"

"No. I just look at men because one, I'm jealous of the strong build physiques, and two, to hide the fact that I like Tsunade from her. Is that so wrong?"

"No, but why not ask her out?"

"No point. You tried asking her out as an experiment last year, and you know what she said."

"Uh?"

"She said, 'Oh my gosh! The day I ever go out with a baka pervert like you or a creepy homo like Orochimaru, it will be a pleasant day in the Konoha Maximum Security Prison. Oh. By the way, that was the nice version.' Those were her exact words. In other words, she thinks I'm a creep, and she doesn't know I'm straight."

"You must have taken that personally."

"Yeah."

"Hey, meet me at my house, and I'll make sure that you get a date her with on Saturday."

"Seriously?"

"You got my word."

"Thanks, Jiraiya."

"No prob. Just don't go killing anyone important people or run away."

"Sure."

"By the way, how did you know that she was talking about Tsunade?"

"Long story. Don't worry about it."

It was Friday night, and Terasu and Tsunade were having a slumber party. They were eating fresh popcorn, boxes of chocolate, and ice cream cakes. They were pigging out while waiting for their facials and nail polish to dry.

"You see, Teru? Nothing like a pedicure, manicure, and facial makes a Friday night great."

"Sundae, not one hot guy bothered to talk to me."

"That one guy talked to you."

"He was weird."

"But he bought you a smoothie."

"He only did it because his older brother was a jerk and stole mine."

"Apparently, you can't score a date without me, and have you noticed that you haven't said 'like' in this entire conversation?"

"When I'm ticked, I don't say 'like'."

"Teru, how about we watch a rated R romance?"

"Like yay, Sundae!"

"That's more like it."

They were hanging out until midnight. At midnight, Tsunade walked Terasu home

It was Saturday morning, and Tsunade was going to a café to meet Terasu. Sarutobi was in an important meeting, and Orochimaru and Jiraiya cancelled training. So, how would not spend the day hanging out with their best friend? Anyway, she found Terasu inside the café.

"Sundae! Like com'n! We like don't have all like day," Terasu waved from her table.

Tsunade rolled her eyes walked over, "_Why does she have shout from the other side of the place? Honestly! That gets so annoying,_" she thought. She pulled out her chair and opened the menu.

"Tsunade," Terasu said. "You like know what you're like gonna order. So like, why are you like looking at the menu?"

"Can't I try something different?!" Tsunade snapped.

"Golly! Like no need to be like hostile."

"Sorry. I just don't feel right."

"Explain."

"Well, I understand Sensei with is in a meeting, but both Jiraiya and Orochimaru cancelled training. I understand if Orochimaru cancelled. He's probably busy. However, Jiraiya has never cancelled. Then again, he wouldn't cancel whether he's busy, hospitalized, or dead. Now all of a sudden, he cancelled. What's even more creepy is that they both cancel on the same day, and neither one of them were home."

"And you like know where they like live because?"

"We're a team, and we make sure each other's alright. Besides, I have a key to their houses."

"Please tell me they don't like share a house."

"If they did, Jiraiya would be dead."

"Point, but like still order something. They're strong. They can handle themselves."

"You're right. Let's order."

They ordered their meals and talked about the typical things they talk about—boys, shopping, and jutsus. A long time has passed since Tsunade first arrived. They were finished eating and were thinking of what to do.

"Tsunade, like what do you want to do?"

Tsunade glanced at the people in the café. She saw plenty of people who apparently came often. Suddenly, her gazed stopped at a person she has never seen before. More importantly to the kunoichi, that person was a man around her age and breath taking. He was sitting alone and appeared to be looking for someone.

"Tsunade?"

"Huh?"

"What would you want to do?" Terasu said impatiently.

"I want to get a slice of that guy," she said breathing heavily.

"Tsunade, like get a grip."

"Can I grip him, too?"

"Sundae, just like go and like talk to him."

"I feel weak. I don't think I can."

"Tsunade, like go!"

The blonde stood up and timidly walked toward the mystery teen's table. Upon her arrival, a person slipped and splattered their drink on Tsunade. She wiped her eyes then saw the klutzy culprit. Her angered face struck fear in the person. "Why you…"


	10. I Dated Who? Pt 2

"Jiraiya! You klutz!"

"Tsunade," the frightened grey-haired teen said. "You gotta stain your shirt."

"Not the time to be joking wise guy."

"I know. I'm sorry, but I have a friend that wants to go out with you."

"Look," she said. "I'll say this once and only once. I will never go out with Orochimaru as long as I am alive, pretty, and decent."

"Well, there's two down."

"Are you saying I'm not decent or pretty?"

"Back to topic. You probably saw that guy at that table."

"You mean hot, hot, and sexy?"

"Look. I shouldn't agree with you on that. If you forgot, I'm a dude. Anyway, he's a friend of mine, and he's dying to meet you."

"He is? What have you told him about me?" the kunoichi said placing her hands over her chest.

"How wonderful you are, and you know that was the biggest lie."

"Excuse me. You seem to be wet. Might I offer my jacket to you?" a man said.

"Oh, Saizen (best effort)," Jiraiya said. "What's up?"

"Simple," Saizen said. "I got tired of waiting on you, so I decided to come over and offer a hand."

"Sure," Tsunade blushed. "I guess I am pretty wet."

"Here," he said placing the jacket on her then zipping it for her. "You know? You a lot cuter up close than you do far away."

"Thanks," she blushed again. "You look nice yourself." Tsunade could not stop staring at him. His long, chestnut brown hair was movie star beautiful. He had pool blue eyes she could drown in—she probably has. However, one thing that turned her off… "You know? You remind me of my teammate, Orochimaru. If you're Jiraiya's friend, you've probably heard of him."

"Actually, I've met him briefly. He seems interesting."

"If a creepy homo is interesting, then he's _very_ interesting."

"_Dang it._" Jiraiya thought. "_This isn't going well. What am I gonna do?_" Jiraiya pulled out a paper and pen. "You two look uncomfortable talking around me. Why not swap numbers and plan a date? That way you can break the ice."

"Jiraiya, that's not really a good idea," Saizen said through his teeth. "Unless, you're okay with this, Tsunade, right?

"Yeah. I'm okay with it."

"_She isn't shy apparently,_" Saizen thought. "Alright, I guess I'll call you around noon?"

"Sounds good to me," Tsunade giggled. "_Oh my gosh! I do not just do that_."

"Okay. I gotta go. Talk to you later. Later, Jiraiya." He left.

"Later, Saizen," Jiraiya said.

"Bye!" Tsunade said. "You know what, Pervert? As much as it pains me to say this, you actually did something right."

"You finally noticed?"

"I gotta go. Teru's waiting for me. See ya."

"Later."

Terasu and Tsunade grabbed their stuff and left shortly after Tsunade's conversation with Jiraiya and Saizen. Tsunade dropped Terasu off home, and she made her way home quickly.

She made it home and waited by the phone. As if on cue, the phone rang. She quickly snatch the phone and answered it. "Hello?"

"Sundae! Sundae! Sundae! Sundae!" the person cried.

"Terasu?" Tsunade said. "What the? What are you doing calling me? You know I have an important call."

"This is like big!"

"What?"

"I like think that like that Saizen guy is like Orochimaru in like disguise."

"No way!" Tsunade snapped. "That can't be. Saizen is too hot to be Orochimaru."

"I like saw it. He like walked past my like house, and I like saw him take like out a contact out of his like eye, and he like had like Orochimaru's creepy eye color."

"You're probably hallucinating, or you're in love with Orochimaru."

"Look. I like got over that crush like three years ago."

"Whatever. I'm sorry, but I can't believe that Orochimaru can go from 'that it' to 'the sh—"

"Watch your mouth!" Terasu snapped. "Still, I think that it's like a bad idea to go through with it."

"Sorry, Teru, but I'm going to do this. Well, I got someone on the other line. Talk to you later."

"Bye."

Tsunade flashed over, "Hello?"

"Tsunade? This is Saizen. What's up?"

"Hi! Nothing much. I just finished talking to my friend. What about you?"

"Oh. Nothing. Jiraiya just left. He wanted me to join him with his peeking, but I turned him down."

"Thank goodness. I'm glad you're no pervert. I still can't understand how you're friends with him."

"Well, I guess opposites attract but not like that," Saizen corrected.

"Okay. Well, funny thing. My friend, Terasu, you probably heard of her."

"Yes."

"Well, she said that you were wearing colored contacts, and you took them off while walking by her house. Basically, she said that you might be Orochimaru. Can you believe that?" Tsunade almost laughed.

"I do wear contacts, but that's just…Wow. That's all I can say. Well, I'm taking into consideration of what Jiraiya said."

"Which is what?"

"Would you like to take a walk around the village with me?"

"You mean like a date?"

"Well, yeah."

"Sure. I'd love to. Where do you want to meet?"

"I guess the café would be best."

"When?"

"About six," he hissed.

"Did you just hiss?"

"Sorry. I'm not paying attention. I got distracted," he almost panicked.

"Anyway, what should a wear?"

"Whatever makes you comfortable."

"Okay. I'll see you at six."

"Alright. See ya later."

"Later," she hung up, and took a deep breath. "OH MY GOSH!!" she squealed. "I got a date! I gotta get ready. Shoot! I gotta shop!"

Saizen was at Jiraiya's house getting ready. It was a simple makeover.

"You idiot!" Jiraiya snapped. "You almost blew your cover."

"I'm sorry I couldn't help it."

"Saizen," Jiraiya said making air quotes. "You can't hiss over the phone, and you can't take the contacts out in the middle of the road."

"Sorry, these stupid contacts hurt my eyes."

"Look. Suck it up, 'Saizen'," Jiraiya hissed. "If you want this to be a success, control yourself. We've worked too hard on your makeup and makeover to have this go down the toilet."

"You're right. I gotta man up."

"You had no manliness to begin with. Remember, embrace your inner manliness!"

"Shut up!"

"Jiraiya," Tsunade said. "I don't get how this story is gonna embarrass me."

"It will," Jiraiya said.

"Jiraiya let me leave," Orochimaru almost begged.

"No. Tsunade, just out of curiosity, would you like to meet Saizen again?"

"I guess. He was so sweet."

"Would you kiss him?"

"Possibly, but only if Naruto is out of the room, and he's still cute."

"Okay. I'll keep that in mind. Now, back to the story…"

It was ten minutes before their arrival time. Tsunade was wearing tight jeans and a tight, long-sleeved white shirt. She had a black headband on, too.

A minutes after her arrival, Saizen came. He wore baggy jeans and a black hooded jacket. He held something behind his back, and he knew it was piquing Tsunade's interest.

"Whatcha got there Saizen?"

"This."

--

Sorry that it's been awhile. i hope this chapter is decent. okay.

Don't forget to review!


	11. I Dated Who? Pt 3

He gave her a small bag of chocolate. Tsunade's face lit up, and her heart fluttered. "Oh my gosh! These are my favorites. How did you know?"

"I don't know a girl how doesn't like expensive chocolate or being spoiled."

"You're too sweet."

"Shall we take a walk?"

"We shall."

Saizen offered his arm to her, and she gladly accepted it. She rested her head on his arm, and they were off.

After awhile, they found themselves in a lagoon area. "Tsunade, I have other plans than taking a long, boring trip around the village. So, I thought it would be nice to have a small dinner at my favorite lagoon."

"The water is so pretty! Wait a second. How did you find this place, and why is it already set up?"

"I explored a lot as a kid."

"Oh."

"Mind to join me?"

"Love to."

He escorted her to the blanket on the ground, and they sat down. He opened a case of strawberries and offered her some.

She stared at the fruit then at Saizen. "You know too much about me."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Why do I feel like I'm being set up?"

"What?"

"Why do I get the feeling that I'm on a blind date with someone I know rather than someone I don't know?"

"Com'n. You really can't feel that you know me. This is our first formal meeting."

"I don't know…" her voice trailed.

"_Oh snap. Gotta think of something quick," _he that thought being thought, the two heard a loud scream then a thud. They looked over and saw…

"You Pervert! Why must you insist on invading my privacy!?!" an angry kunoichi said.

"I can explain!" Jiraiya said.

"Explain my butt!"

"Saizen, helping your pathetic, sorry behind is sad! Well, I gotta run," and run he did.

She sighed. "Saizen, was Jiraiya helping you impress me this entire time?"

"Tsunade, why would you think—"

"Just answer me."

"Yeah. I'm sorry, Tsunade. I really have feelings for you, but I was scared. So, I had Jiraiya help me with everything."

"Hey. Just be yourself. Ain't that what all girls like?"

"Ok. So, you like skinny dipping?"

Tsunade gave him a queer look then was laughing hysterically. "You're kidding right?"

"Of course!" he laughed.

"Good cause if you were serious, I'd have to beat you into a bloody pulp."

"Let's just go home. It's getting late." The two did.

They were at Tsunade's home sometime later. The two were arm in arm.

"Thanks for taking me out," Tsunade said. "Despite Jiraiya, I still had a nice time."

"I'm glad you had a nice time."

Tsunade unlocked her door. "Oh, Saizen?"

"Yeah?"

She pulled him over and gave him a gentle kiss. "Good night," she said ever so softly.

"See ya," he said. She closed her door, and he walked away. Saizen heard his name and responded, "Yes, Jiraiya?"

"Hey, Saizen, you like skinny dipping? How pathetic!"

"It worked. Besides, it was simply interesting to have such a blessing to come upon me," he hissed.

"You have got to stop hissing. You happy? You got your kiss. Now, play dumb the next time you see her."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I noticed something," Tsunade said.

"What's the matter, Milady?" Shizune said.

"Saizen had a thing for hissing."

"Yeah, he did," Kabuto piped in. "Orochimaru, did you befriend him too?"

"You could say that," he said nervously.

Naruto scratched his head. "I'm lost."

"Naruto," Jiraiya said. "Put two and two together."

Tsunade's jaw dropped, and her eyes widened. "No. No! I couldn't. He can't be!" She sobbed slightly from shock and embarrassment.

"She got it," Jiraiya said.

"Milady!" Shizune said. "Please calm down."

"She'll be fine!" Orochimaru said. "I'm, the one who's going to be a dead man even with immortality!"

"You should be after manipulating her heart in such a way!" she said.

"Wait a second," Naruto said. "You and granny over there kissed?"

"Yes," Orochimaru said.

"And you actually had a date?"

"Yes."

"How did you turn that," Tsunade said pointing to Orochimaru. "To someone I'd actually go out with?"

"Look," Jiraiya said. "That's what I call the miracles of makeup."

"I'm dead when I get back to the village."

---

Finally, the end of Tsunade's sob story. I know it was a little predictable. It's not over yet. Happy Holidays!


	12. Quit While We're Ahead

"I dated a freak show," said Tsunade trying to find a happy place. "I went out with Orochimaru."

"And you liked it," Kabuto said.

"You know what? I'm sick of you and your mouth. Don't make me go over there and beat your butt. Now, Shizune, you'd better open your mouth right now."

"Kabuto," she said. "You're a walking dead man."

"Well what would you prescribe for that?" Kabuto said.

"Look," Jiraiya said. "Let's stop now and go home. Orochimaru and Kabuto will die soon, Tsunade's mortified, and Naruto fell asleep. We need to quit while we're ahead."

"Suit yourself," Orochimaru said.

Everyone packed their things and left.

"Kabuto," Orochimaru said. "Did you actually find Tsunade's friend attractive?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I saw you give her your number."

"That answers it then."

"I will never understand you."

"I'll never understand what you saw in that hag."

"She was sweet, but now age made her bitter."

"And you a whole lot smarter."

"Quiet, Kabuto."

Over with Tsunade and Shizune…

"Shizune, after all that I put up with, you actually like that brat!"

"Well, he's cute. Besides, you went out with Orochimaru."

"Shut up!"

--

Yes. This is finally at it's end. I know this was a pathetic ending. Anyway, please review and that's for reading!

PS - Can anyone see KAbuto and Shizune together?


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